"But, Ef," she said, her voice belying her raw agony, "what if he doesn't like me back?"
Effie considered this. Lena waited, expecting, hoping for reassurance. She wanted Effie to say that of course Kostos liked her back. How could he not? But Effie didn't say that.
Instead she took Lena's hand in hers. "That's what I mean about being brave."

I'm weak, it's true
Cos I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cos my heart keeps falling faster

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cos now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
That there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star just don't come true
Cos now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating when I was falling
And I didn't mind
Because I liked the view

I thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

Today was a pretty awesome day. Started out bright and early at 9am in the morning, badminton at Clementi Sports Hall with my parents, big bro as well as Chee Meng and Zuhui. Looks like it's gonna be a weekly thing after church camp.(: After we got home, showered and changed, we headed to Queensway to buy court shoes (as in shoes you wear on the court) so we can look more pro. Haha! So I got a pretty new pair of shoes with special soles. Yay yay I'm glad I can finally get a chance to pick up badminton on a regular basis again. Been playing since I could walk.. not exaggerating! And was in badminton CCA in pri school too, I could get like 2nd or 3rd in intra-school tournaments cos there'd be like only 5 or 6 girls participating. Cool right? But then I stopped in sec school cos trainings clashed with my 3rd lang days. Come to think of it, it's a pretty stupid sacrifice to make, considering the fact that I quit 3rd lang after 8 months. ><

Went for RGGE concert in the evening, and I must say that I'm VERY VERY VERY proud of my juniors. It's amazing how pro they've all become. Heh Eunice and Adeline were emceeing, and while the rock band was setting up, they started telling long grandmother stories to stall for time. So Ade was talking about the days back when there were like FIVE people, not enough people to form an ensemble, more like just a quintet. And then they multipled (Eunice pipes in "but not with each other!"), and look at what we are today.(: Wow when she said that, the whole row of us alumni peeps just burst into cheers. Really really felt that immense sense of pride at what we've managed to achieve. The feeling can't really be expressed in words. It's just... yeah. We were a really rubbish ensemble, until Mr Chua came along, and we had Ade's batch, then Serene's, then ours. And now our juniors are doing such a super job. In my opinion they're better than RJGE, they have more chance of getting honours next year. As an ensemble they're so impressive! Especially the last song and the encore item, I think if they go for SYF right now and play those songs they can get honours already. Really man not kidding. And of course there are the few super pro individuals whose skills surpass most if not all the RJ guitarists.

Yufang! Dunno if you'll read this but anyway just wanna say I'm especially proud of you.(: Your pro pro pro solos, your amazing voice (I never knew you could sing so well!), and the way you've led the ensemble to what it is today. Nevermind what the teachers or whoever might say k, I think you're a great leader! And I really hope you'll come to RJGE next year. Such talent cannot be wasted!

Then there's Mr Chua too.. the most amazing instructor/conducter in the world. He just cares so much for each and every one of us. He's really the one who's groomed me into what I am today. I think in half the year I've been in RJGE I haven't improved at all.. compared to my 3 years in RG where I learnt and improved so so much. Seeing him today just made me remember all the happy times we had back in RGGE. Haha he asked me if I still fall asleep all the time during guitar. I think now roles have been reversed, I'm the one that makes my section fall asleep cos of boring sectionals.): Yikes. Somehow I can't click with my section. Hopefully it gets better and I get more interesting and they get more interested, or I'm just gonna start dreading guitar. = But well, after so much comparing between RJ and RG, still gotta mention the fact that I'm thankful for my exco cos they're such a great bunch of people. And they make guitar a lot more enjoyable for me.(:

Oh no this is turning into a real emo post. Dunno la after watching the concert and seeing all my juniors today I just felt real emotional and nostalgic. And after reading Emily's postcard I got even worse. Emilyyy!! I'm guessing it's most likely that you'll be quitting. If you do I'm gonna be real sadd... but whatever your decision I'll still respect it cos I know you really ARE super duper busy. And we'll still play our duet next year okay! Man I dunno whether to laugh or cry la. It's funny thinking back on all those times when we were practicing for concert, yes including those times when I'm "going ga-ga over SOME people..."=p, but then it's all overrrr now. And we're never gonna get those times back. )=

Life's getting more and more complicated. Decisions and moving on and leaving things behind and packing up and the countless hellos and goodbyes and the PAST and the PRESENT and the FUTURE all bumping into each other and melding into a senseless mess. There's so much to do, so little time.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cos I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by
She could see from my face that I was
Flying high
And I don't think that I'll see her again
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Oh ugh. I hate laptops. Just typed out a whole entry and I accidentally clicked on dunno what and... byebye entry. Grr. Anyways. As I was saying. This past week has been really eventful, CTs and all. Wheeee CTs are over!! Hahaha here's some of the stuff that's happened in the past week (summarised version):

1) Many things at home spoiled. The waterpipe refrigerator airpot AND MY COMPUTER. Hrmft. Yeah so been stealing whatever time I can get from either of my bros' PCs/laptops. I'm just quite scared that my hard disk crashed. Which means all my homework PWstuff files mp3s photos videos games programmes EVERYTHING all gone.):

2) My big bro's back from Canada! After 1 year or so. Wheee(: It was really amusing cos he wanted to surprise me, so he told my parents not to tell me. But then on the night before he came back (Wed night), my 2nd bro went to church to stay with a sick guy and look after him. So I asked my parents "is korkor coming home tomorrow?" and they got so paranoid cos of the big SECRET they were harbouring, they looked so stunned and my dad asked me "WHO TOLD YOU!!" and I was going "ehhh... what's going on?" Then I kinda figured out la, and true enough, next morning my big bro bounded into my room at 10.45am. Heh much as I sorta anticipated it already, it still was a really pleasant surprise. Right before my math paper. >< No mood to study for Bio already la! Afternoon was spent playing xbox with my bro.. until mummy scolded us.=p

3) CTs over! Ok I think I mentioned that already. But yay yay yay I am so happy.. no more mugging till promos. Wheeeee.(: After Bio paper Julia and Debbie came over and we played Karaoke Revolution for the entire afternoon. Hahaha it's just so fun/funny when we play together. Then at night I watched The Notebook which made me cry! The ending is oh-so-sweet. Hehe my bro brought home this whole trunk of DVDs+games. Byebye studies(:

4) Weekend was spent entirely in church + the Ng residence. Sat morning had recording in church for many many hours, followed by YF camp comm meeting (we're going to BDC for camp!) and then YF meeting proper. By then I was so tired and had a splitting headache, was contemplating going home with my jet-lagged brother but stayed in the end after we found some weird paracetamol tablets in the first-aid kit and I got better.(: After YF we sent Joy and Serena home and stayed for some icecream and watched tennis on TV

Sunday morning was church, I went for my 1st ever YPG lesson and had my interview too. Got interviewed by Elder Chew and thank God it went really smoothly. Got kinda freaked out after Joyce's account of her traumatic experience but in the end it was ok la. Probably cos hers is for baptism while mine is reaffirmation. But yeah.. he just asked me a few questions, then told me to read the Westminster article on Lord's Supper so I can get a clearer understanding, then he prayed with me and it was over! Hehe. After that was more recording, then we went to help out with the OCM team going to Batam. Wrote out many song sheets with both the Bahasa and English lyrics. Then SGBF on the Da Vinci code. Then went over to the Ng place again to watch High School Musical! The night before, Joyce Abby and Alanna were totally gushing about it. Haha it IS quite nice la! And the dance night song is taken from the movie! So cool. We called pizza for dinner, and after that we watched another movie, Ice Princess which has lot's of ice skating in it. By the time we got home it was close to 1 already.

5) Today was spent shopping with my mum! Haha I met so many guitar people at Taka. 4 to be exact. Got home and slept from 7-10. Woke up and now I can't get back to sleep. >< Body clock all messed up. And my class had outing today but no one told me. SO LOSER RIGHT. I think it's all Hiok's fault. Hehe=p Maybe they all secretly hate me, that's why. Aiya. Then they were smsing me asking why I never go except I was asleep. By the time I woke up at 10pm it was too late. And our senior class was there too, so coincidental. Hmphhhhh.

Ok hmmm shall try to go back to sleep now. Zzz.